Below are the 11 most recent journal entries recorded in slacker2be's LiveJournal:

Friday, August 5th, 2005
11:29 pm	I seriously wish I could be a completely different person...Like seriously, if I had a choice, I would change everything about myself. Sometimes I wish that I could just be content sitting at home where at least I know that I wouldn't be judged. It's just so hard lately, because physically and mentally I am in so many different places. My heart is in one thing while my mind is in another, and I just can't sort anything out anymore. My life is just one big blob of mess...and the worst is that I can't even talk about it with my best friends. I wish that I could, and I could go back to the way it used to be....but I know i've just matured way too fast for my own good. So hopefully I can either suck it up and go with the flow, or people will mature at super-speed and we can all be one big happy family. The worst part is that to them, theres nothing wrong, but inside i'm dying. Any advice? Please, it would be much appreciated. Current Mood: depressed Current Music: Game of Love (Comment on this)
Friday, July 22nd, 2005
9:33 pm	So it's a friday night, and what am I doing? Babysitting, what else? Honestly lately I havn't minded much having to give up my nights to babysit, it's worth it for the money...I seem to go through it so easily these days. I go to one movie and out to a cheap dinner with some friends and it ends up being twenty dollars. But this particular night I have not been so keen to babysit. For one, today was my NYSTI performance, and that marked the end of my camper days at that camp forever...so that was kind of sad. You never think things like that will come to an end when your young, but then at some point it's just over, and you realized how quickly you realy did grow up. The worst part about leaving NYSTI is leaving Annie, lol. It sounds really weird, but Annie is just one of those people that you never get tired of having around, and is always a big laugh no matter what your doing. So really, it's hard to see annie for 3 weeks every single day, and then all of a sudden not see her hardly ever. I swear its not a love affair, we're just so alike that it's hard to give her up! lol. I have this week off FOR THE FIRST TIME THIS SUMMER, and then I start Extreme Jew Camp next monday...White water rafting in Montreal, bitches. That should be fun. Once again, when that camp ends after Rogers Rock, it'll be the same sort of lost feeling...something in my life that was so important to me will be no more. But I guess I just have to remember that the memories i've experienced at both camps won't ever fade, and i'm just moving on to other things in life....sometimes I just really resent having to grow up! So than, I guess the other major thing on my mind lately is guys...for awhile since summer started I hadn't even thought about it, but for the past week i've been having withdrawel of sorts, lol. I even started to have feelings towards my guy counselors, which is actually so weird because I act like a complete idiot in Improv every day to them, so it's not exactly like I can keep my weird personality on the DL. It's nothing big, there are just feelings for them because i've been so wrapped up in so many other things that I just need a good hook up to tie me over...No love, no commitment...Just some good old fashion hooking up. This week I plan to do that, since i'm free for 7 straight days (yessssss.) Love you all muchos Current Mood: drained Current Music: Come baby come (watching it on awesomley bad dirty music) (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Saturday, June 18th, 2005
9:33 pm	Hey guys, it's been about a week I guess since i've last updated...but I have brung myself to rekindle the flame we call "live journal" for I am babysitting and the kids are asleep...and the ice cream is gone. So last night before I left for Kho's casa with various other hot bitches, I finally had a conversation with "kid who becca thinks is smokin". It was actually like, an hour long...and although it wasn't exactly intense, the experience in itself was really good. Sometimes I feel like not trying to get him to notice me is for the best, because I would just be setting myself up to fall. But after talking to him, I realize that maybe I am worthy of being loved...if that's not too much to ask. I do think that him and I are very different people, and I'm probably not his first choice of girl in the looks department or personality, but maybe if he got to know me better, he could realize how happy I could make him. I wish I had the strength to tell him my heart skips a beet when I see him in the hall, or that the mention of his name makes me swoon for hours...but I can't take rejection, and the one thing i've been holding on to for so long would be diminished at once. Sometimes I wish I could hold on to my feelings forever, and never let reality set in to ruin them. I've been thinking about how many people in this world feel like they don't measure up to others they compare themselves to. It saddens me to think that some people honestly do not see the amazing contributions they make to the world as an individual. For some reason or another, they just feel inadequite in the eyes of other people, and they see themselves as something that doesn't matter to anyone. For all of you who feel this way, I just want you to know that you are beautiful, intellegent, loving, charasmatic people that contribute to my and everyone elses lives positively every day...so never forget that all of you are here in this world as equals, and you deserve nothing less then the next person. So remember, ALL OF YOU ARE (4 Comments |Comment on this)
Friday, June 10th, 2005
4:37 pm	THIS IS DEDICATED TO LINDSEY RYAN Okay, If your Illiterate and didn't read the heading...This entry is dedicated to Lindsey Ryan. She is the love of my life, as well as the one who pushed me to update my damn live journal. Thank you, Lindsey Ryan. So today in school pretty much resembled hell in context with the temperature factor, and I pretty much was all like...Excuse me while I go commit suicide, because hell would be cooler than this school. In the wise of Mr Samuel Clinton "If I took off all my clothes, I probably would not be any cooler". Amen Sam Clinton. We're planning to bring water canons to French with Connie Jenson on Monday....EVVVERRYOONNEEE WILL BEE THEREEEE....YOU WILLL GETTT WETTT....SEECRETS...SECRETTS...haha sorry. K so Kid Becca Thinks is Smokin' X 89 squillion randomly walked into my PE class today, and what was I doing? OH you know, chillin with the McCannster and Pat McG and being my sweet self(aka-one who stands around and PE and cracks jokes) I was so upset I didn't realize he was there until it was too late, he saw my real weirdness again! He must think i'm utterly bizarre...honestly, operation "becca act like your not a freaking dork around Kid becca Thinks is Smokin" isn't going so well...The plan was supposed to be, that I act decently normal, and he would never know that i'm really a closet idiot. Well, apparantly Plan A failed and he now realizes without a doubt my idiocy. OOPS! Anyone have a Plan B? Seriously... Okay so all you damn stalkers of mine who IMed me like, 5 seconds ago (cough Annie Howard, Sarah Wong, Lindsey Ryan Cough) telling me to update my live journal, GET OFF MY FREAKIN BACK! I'll update it when I damn well please. Love you all dearly Current Mood: chipper Current Music: Say my Name -Destinys Child (yeah your jealous) (6 Comments |Comment on this)
Sunday, May 8th, 2005
11:41 pm	MM and its late... I often wonder if I compare myself too much to others. I know that there is a healthy level to which comparison can occur, but than theres me. And if any of you know me well, you sure as hell know that i'm not the most comfortable of people in my own skin, which in all honesty is not uncommon among those my age. I just find myself feeling inadequite so much, I often wonder if there is anything that is actually redeemable about me? I mean, I guess that there are certain qualities that I have that are considered positive, the the truth is, none of my characteristics are in any way unique. I think that's why im scared of commitment/intimacy. It's not even that I don't think that I can handle loving somebody, or taking care of them, it's more that I can't handle loving myself. That of course, will make it unbelievably hard for somebody else to love me. I always thought that if somebody else loved me, I in turn, would be able to love myself. But in all honesty, that's just a bunch of bullshit. No matter how much somebody tells you that they like how your not skinny, and they think that your pretty in sweatpants and no makeup, unless you figure that out on your own, you won't believe it. Lately though, all i've wanted is for somebody to feel that way about me, whether or not it makes me feel beautiful. I never EVER let myself get emotionally attached to any guy, but the closest that i've come to it with one guy is, well, earth shattering. I so badly want to please him, and for him to think of me the way he thinks about other girls...but he doesn't. And no, not because i've talked about it with him (because I sure as hell havn't), but because I have really intense instinct about these things, and if he liked me, than believe me, you would know before I did. Actually, I really couldn't say that he and I have talked about much, but maybe thats because my knees buckle and I suddenly don't communicate well in english when I see him. I know that it's really just fear of rejection, and the fact that I don't ever want to put a guy in the position of having to lie, or say things they dont mean. But what happens when I tell him, and all my dreams are over because I at least know for sure its not true...Sometimes I feel like if I keep the dream alive inside, it can never be crushed. Is it obvious that I have OCD? Or do you just think im inquisitive and contemplative? haha. Love much bitches. -Becca Current Mood: intimidated Current Music: Damn it feels good to be a gangsta (4 Comments |Comment on this)
Wednesday, May 4th, 2005
2:53 pm	WHERE HAS MY LIFE GONE? I feel like just yesterday i was waking up and watching scooby doo in my feety pajamas eating cocoa crispies. I mean honestly, i still do that...but it feels like just yesterday when i could justify those actions. I used to think like went so slowly, but now that the end of freshman year is creeping up on me, im beginning to realize that i'm no longer considered a child. Maybe in my eyes i'm still that little girl who has peanut butter all over her face, and wears a crown around the house just because i want to, and i dont care if its not halloween. To anyone else though, i'm not that little girl...i'm that practically grown highschooler that keeps being asked what college id like to attend by various people i come across. I know that i look older by a few years, which is why ive been pushed to act more mature, but i honestly dont feel how i look at all. I want to ride the caroselle at the theme park, and wear multi colored water shoes at the town pool, and eat 12 popsicles in one sitting, and put bright red lipstick on and poofy dresses on and prance around my kitchen pretending to be an older, more sophisticated woman. But looking in the mirror i have found that i am that older, more sophisticated woman...oops! (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Tuesday, April 5th, 2005
11:23 pm	About yourself Created by caramel4750 and taken 19 times on bzoink! General Your name? Becca Wolchok Age? 15 Height? 5 foot 7 What color is your natural hair? medium-light brown What color is your hair now? darck cherry chocolate-ish What color are you eyes? brown Do you wear glasses or contacts? contacts Do you go to school? of course What grade are you in? Frosh What's your favorite class? Global Least favorite class? Math Favorite teacher: Mr Lewis Least favorite teacher: Mr Fontanella Where do you live? Delmar Do you have a job? mm...do you consider sitting on my ass a job? Do you consider yourself preppy? a bit Do you consider yourself a punk? not at all Do you consider yourself a goth? ABBBSolutely not Do you consider yourself emo? mmm nope... Do you consider yourself a generic teenager? pretty much Favorites Color? depends on the seasons in-colors Boook? Harry Potter...whatever your jealous Movie? ANCHORMAN Radio station? so cliche, but Fly 92 TV show? Family Guy...what can i say, its an addiction Fastfood place? WENDYS-chrystal, second pick-up window Website? Scrabble.com Music-Do you like...? Indie rock? not usually Classic rock? some Punk rock? actually yes Emo? nope.. R&B? mmhmm HIpHop? yes Rap? yah Classical? nooope Country? HELL NO Jazz and Blues? a little Music-instruments Do you play any instruments? does the recorder count? If so how many and what kind? Do you sing? yes, all the time. I do it subcoinsciously. Are you in a band? nah Choir? nay Orchestra? negative Music- Favorites Whats your favorite Band OF ALL TIME SPICE GIRLS...honesty is the best policy here Favorite male band? ahaha O*TOWN-just kidding. NSYNC. female band? Destinys Child co-ed band? S-Club 7 Female singer? Lauryn Hill/Mariah Carey Male singer? John Mayer/Jimmy Hendrix Favorite instrument? Acoustic Guitar Do you...? play sports? if so what? I used to Play soccer, Cheerlead, Basketball....now i just pretty much sit on my ass, and go to the Gym. read? yeah, actually, too much for comfort write? a little bit...i try to write comically play video games? mmm not much, i have ps2 though Beliefs Do you believe in God? yes Heaven and Hell? no, not final judgement...something like a heaven Satan? nope Do you believe in ghosts? yes i do Do you believe in magic? no Aliens? yes Love Do you have a significant other? not at the moment If so what do they look like? i hate questions that dont apply to me Do you have a crush? do hookups count? More then one? what? like 89! Do you believe in love at first sight? i do Are you straight? bi? gay? lesbian? straight Do you believe in love at first sight? i feel like i was just asked this... Random stuff What song describes your mood? Minority by Greenday What song describes your life? Spice up your life What song describes yourself? '83 by John Mayer What song describes where you want to be? Bold As Love by Jimmy Hendrix Create a Survey | Search Surveys | Go to bzoink! (2 Comments |Comment on this)
10:37 pm	Aha I just got my sister so pissed at me I should be scared for my life...I won't tell you what happend exactly, but she told me, and I quote..."I don't like you. Actually, I hate you! You are a B-I-T-C-H!" And yes, she spelled out bitch. Honestly, sometimes I wonder where we found her... AHA okay i've changed my mind, i'll tell you what happend. I wore her sports bra. I know, I know, I should be pulled over and asked for my license and registration immediately. But I didn't have any clean bras, and I was working out...It could have been an extremely bad experience if I had not borrowed it. I mean, cmon, she should fear for my physical safety, and be happy that I took advantage of her bra. Alright, so here's one of my adventures of the day... Molly McCann and I decided that today, we were not only going to run around like hunchbacks and clip our backpacks really high around our waists, but we were going to speak in an australian accent throughout our entire gym period, which was an extreme game of vollyball. So, if you know me well, you understand that this isn't unusual for me...but it was highly comical. Here our some of our better quotes from gym class (in an australian accent of course)that i thought youd enjoy. "oooo, you said 'fawster', I thought you said LawBSTER...that changes averything!" (me clutching my boobs) "I 'ave got to geet a loovely boonch of cooooconuts to cooontain theeese kinsmen!" "If this game had 2 balls, we would be calling it Volly Balls!" Anyway, don't ask...It was an amazing game of vollyball I might add, even if they wouldn't let me wear my backpack while in action. Current Mood: giggly Current Music: Another Dumb Blonde-Hoku (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Monday, April 4th, 2005
10:31 pm	Can I tell you what I absolutely hate? WHEN GUYS WONT COME OUT AND SAY THEY'RE INTO YOU. They always assume that we know, but we don't! WE'RE NOT FUCKING MIND READERS! C'mon, it's just not fair that you leave me like this...I swear, it's happend like, 5 times just this week. I'm not good with mind signals or whatever you call them, I basically need people to spell things out for me...literally. So, besides that minor detail...everything is actually going pretty well. Honestly, i'd like to some weight before I leave for Myrtle Beach with Cath,(ahhhh so excited) but for some reason i'm okay with myself right now, and i'm not exactly being strict. I mean, yeah, i'd love to be about 4 sizes smaller right now, but it's actually not affecting me or altering my mood in any way presently. I used to look into the mirror and absolutely detest what I saw...and no, i'm just realizing that it's me, and I can't help it if i'm just human. And I guess this is shallow, but it's comforting to know that some people find me attractive the way I am. Yeah, I guess if I starved myself and dyed my hair blonde I could look twice as good as I do now, but nobody would ever know the real me...the one that likes to eat 2 pieces of pizza, sit on my ass and laugh with my friends all day, and go without make-up to school. Honestly, that makes me the happiest...just assuming that people will accept me even with all my flaws, and if they don't, really not caring either way. Being so imperfect quite fits me, dont you think? Current Mood: mellow Current Music: Say You'll Be There -Spice Girls (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Sunday, April 3rd, 2005
3:58 pm	yay for NYFTY! Wow, can I tell you what? I had the most AMAZING weekend! My sister always told me how much fun conclavettes and Institutes were with NYFTY, but I never expected it be this good! All the people I met were so nice and welcoming, and the programs we're actually really insightful. Plus, you know...all the extremely hot jewish boys. haha. Wow, never EVER going swimming with any of you guys ever again...i'd hate to have to see Dave drown anymore, it was just sad. Although, I would have to be honest with you and say I developed my six pack from laughing so hard saturday night. *Leah and Rachel, I had a great time sharing our .5 hours of sleep both nights! Thats the best lack-of-sleep i've ever experienced...even if I did doze off in services on Saturday morning. Oops! Good thing between the three of us we actually didn't forget anything...we got really lucky to have such intellegent thinkers when it comes to packing, or else it couldve been a bit of a doozy trying to find mascara at the J. Everyone else...I had such a great time, and hopefully we'll all catch up at the next summer institute! ANYYYWHOO I feel like this weekend I just got to escape all the drama thats going on...It's not even that I have very much drama, it's just that everyone elses tends to get to me. It's not even that I take it upon myself, it just hurts that when other people experience differences between themselves it affects you. People don't even realize how much it hurts for your best friends to not be so keen on eachother anymore...because ultimately, it breaks all of you up. But i'm sure things will get better for everyone, I have no doubt. But overall, I had an extremely good weekend, and I really hope to be seeing all you guys again soon! Love Always Bitches Current Mood: refreshed Current Music: Time of Your Life-Greenday (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Monday, March 28th, 2005
8:15 pm	Averagely unAverage I can safely say I am having one of the least complicated few days out of most people I know. And everyone thought that highschool was when life became easier. HMM, apparantly we were misinformed, because I for one am not finding the academics nor the hormonal aspect of highschool much easier. But perhaps that is just my lack of intellegence and my unwillingness to grow up. nah... So, today I was thinking (yes, I do have somewhat of a thought process occaisonally) that nothing really sets me apart from anyone else in this world. Not that I look like everyone else or act exactly like everyone else, but I don't necesarily have a distinct personality or look that makes me memorable in any particular way. Now, I guess that it might come in handy when I rob a bank and nobody can figure out who it was that robbed the bank because I resemble everyone else and have no particular style of theft that would point authorities towards me, but I don't plan to be doing that any time soon... I wonder, really, is it my lack of distinct qualities that set me apart? Is it my extreme averageness that makes me such an unaverage person? What do you guys think? Current Mood: contemplative Current Music: Minority by Greenday (8 Comments |Comment on this)